What Could Have Been

Dating Question

The question of dating comes up once in a while. My history is brief and short lived.

In high school, I probably had the interest to date, but had not the means. We lived in the far outer reaches of the school district in the countryside. I did not have a drivers license until late in High School, and throughout school I was not encourage with extracurricular activities.

During my university years, I was busy with studies, working in the park system, and doing photography. I was interested in finding a wife ... it was on my to-do list ... but it did not have enough priority until nearing graduation.

In my senior year of university I met a young lady that caught my attention. She was intelligent and in a field similar to my minor degree. I worked up the nerve to ask her out. Looking back, I should have gotten to know her better first. We dated for a few weeks.

As someone who had never dated, this was a wonderful experience ... probably riding on an emotional high that intuitive thinkers like myself seldom achieve. As an introvert, this was a roller coaster event trying to relate to someone on a deeper level over a significant amount of time together. As I was more of an Epicurean philosopher than a Christian at this stage of my life, I was in great danger .. more than I could ever have imagined ... and I did not escape unscathed.

I was extremely naive. Looking back, it is apparent I missed the obvious clues and signs that were made. For those few weeks I basically ended up friend-zoning myself as I still had it in my mind to have a long-term and hopefully committed relationship. But I was slipping. I was recognizing I could have sex with her. And I was seriously considering it. Except then she ended it because she certainly was not wanting commitment. Oh ... the pain.

Interestingly, the aftermath of this was that I actually steeled my self control and made the decision I would save myself for marriage. I would not let myself be tempted in such a way again. It actually scares me to think of where I might have ended up if I started down that path. I am guessing it would have led me away from the Bible and a relationship with my Savior. It would likely have made me miss out on the wonderful wife I do have and the wonderful (currently twenty-three) years of marriage we have had together. I would likely have missed the creation science research that has occurred as well as many other opportunities.

Courtship

I have only dated one woman in my life... and that is not woman who is now my wife.

When I had met the woman who would later become my life, I asked her out. She said no. Instead, she directed me to a book called I kissed dating goodbye by Joshua Harris. I did buy a copy of the book and skim through it, and a simple summary is that a couple should do courting not dating. The differences that in dating the couple most often are alone trying to impress each other in unrealistic environments and that there is a lot of pressure in today's culture to be sexually active. In courtship, the couple is seldom alone, instead, they are with family members or with friends and they are doing normal everyday activities together not unusual activities that are a false environment. They get to spend time with each other in real moments and learn how each other are in real life.

Long story short, she and I tried to do a courtship and her family was helpful in that endeavor and it was not long before I found myself wanting to marry her.

It was not until after I was married, maybe for some time, that I realized the strong bonds that formed not just physically and emotionally or mentally but also spiritually between two people in a sexual relationship is involved. Just how important it is to stay pure and unfiled before marriage is not often taught but it has made all the difference in our relationship for me.

This page is under construction. My apologies for any misspellings, repeated text, missing references, etc. Please visit again later for a more complete treatment of this topic.