View source for Growing as a Believer

== Growing As A Believer ==
Of course, as I became an active believer [see below], another huge change came to my work in photography. It became quickly apparent that photography was not the career our Heavenly Father had for me. Furthermore, many things about my photography and the subjects I had worked with were actually a hindrance to my growth as a believer. I needed to let go and repent of what had become part of my life.

Was the work really that bad? Yes. As an example, I had gotten permission to photograph a ballet group. Throughout the season I photographed some very odd things including a version of Dracula done for their Halloween production. So the simple question would be: why would a believer in the Messiah as Savior want to have images depicting the living dead, zombies, and all those related topics? Even if it was technically well done and could, from an artist's perspective, be considered an interesting piece, it was a wretched thing that did not need to be promoted or included by believers.

As hard as it might be to believe, this led to one day where I burned up about $10,000 worth of negatives, prints, and framed materials that were harmful in some way (depicting evil, vanity, etc). It was so refreshing! I was glad to do it and I started moving on. Afterwards, photography returned to my life as a documentary (rather than an artistic) pursuit which would be helpful in sharing Creation Science.

At this point, I should change perspectives. I was leaving behind the photography stage of my life and entering the active faith stage of my life.

Some of you reading this would already be familiar with my background, but for those who are not I will quickly state that I grew up in a liberal Christian church and, perhaps, in many ways could have been described as a 'Sunday morning Christian' ... that being defined as someone who goes to church, winds God up for a couple hours, and then goes home and spends the rest of the week in other activities. This would become most visible when I was suicidal at the age of 18 and decided to look for the meaning of life primarily through philosophy and science (instead of the Bible or religion). Obviously, the church had not had much of an influence on me up to that point. Several years later, I would return to Scripture as I began to realize it accurately described what I have been experiencing in life.

As with photography, when I started back into Scripture, I was a novice. Twenty-five years in a liberal church had not taught me much - it had focused heavily on the Gospels so I knew extremely little about the Old Testament and not much about the Epistles and Revelation as well. I had never read through the Bible; which led to my concepts of life as a believer being framed by the doctrines that belonged to that liberal church and a general ecclesiastical structure.

Well, just like joining a camera club in photography, I found a different group to join for church - meaning a different denomination that was more conservative. I was now surrounded by a different group of people who are interested in Bible study. This is something I desperately needed. I began reading books about the Bible, listened to many discussions on debatable topics, and was busy comparing what I was learning with what I had been taught growing up in a secular society. It was a time of growth in the basics.

Before long, I was involved in multiple church groups and home fellowships. Like the camera clubs, they each had a different flavor and different goals. Some would want to do Bible study, others are more charismatic and seeking spiritual aspects, a couple were debate groups that would argue different points of how to understand the Bible, some were especially good with praise and worship. Some would easily be described as Christian while others were Messianic Jewish. This was a time of rapid growth for me as I was learning in all areas.

One of the best things I did at this time, was to get into Scripture itself. I began studying the Bible intently.. What did the Bible have to say about each topic? I also read the Bible through - in chronological order. This was incredible. When taken in order, one can see the promises and prophecies the Eternal makes with man kind, nations, and individuals and then see them happen in order. Throughout, His love and care (as well as judgment in righteousness and purity) are quite evident as is His desire for a close relationship. I had not seen this in that liberal church.

Just like the photography darkroom opened up new horizons in art, an absolutely huge change in my life came when I decided to start praying. And I cannot overstate how much of an impact this has had in life. It also shows how little the church I had grown up in had trained me, because I was around 30 years old and I had not yet learned to pray. Within all those groups and fellowships I was attending I had met a few people who had a genuine prayer life and seemed to receive guidance from the Eternal, and sometimes the genuine use of the Gifts of the Spirit. These believers encouraged me to reach for more. It took months, but my life as a believer really opened up as I began to pray and as I learned to listen for answers and guidance through prayer. It turns out, that if we humble ourselves and follow, He will lead. In fact, the last 20 years of my life are based very heavily on prayer. Life suddenly went from being a mundane routine where I try to logically figure everything out and struggle solve problems to becoming an amazing and peaceful series of events while learning to be a member of the Kingdom of Heaven.

Perhaps an example would be the best way to illustrate this exciting period of life. I was preparing to go to a one-week meeting being held at a campground. It was in Oklahoma over 1000 miles away. As we prepared, I was repeatedly getting the message to not take a tent. This made no logical sense and challenged me for some time. To make a long story short, the campground was overfilled. If I had taken a tent, I would have been given a tiny piece of sloping land at the extremity of the camp. Instead, a few families (one of which had received in prayer to bring an extra tent) set up that tent in the middle of the campground for us. We immediately made new acquaintances - a few of which would become long-time friends. It was incredible. And there are so many more testimonies like this one. The Eternal truly cares for us and has the ability to take care of us.

Large format photography brought a lot of detail and clarity to my work. Similarly, a jump to another level of clarity about life would come when I really started looking into the spiritual aspects of life beyond prayer. I realized that we do have to deal with what's happening behind the scenes - including such topics as angels and demons, blessings and cursings, and the effects such things have in our lives. It can sometimes be difficult to quantify, but this helped me to understand both some of the suffering and some of the miracles that have occurred in my life. I have gone through many stages of cleansing, much like burning those photography items, where I've had to get rid of objects in my life because they were causing harm physically and/or spiritually. This includes books containing stories of magic, meditation objects displaying oriental religious characters, and so many other 'strange' items gained or collected through a lifetime of ignorance at how bad these items really are. At each step, it was amazing how much more peaceful life was becoming.

Somewhere in there, as many of you know, I discovered the difference between the creation account in the Bible and the concepts of evolutionism I had been taught in the secular school system and university. This would be like my photography solo exhibition. Over a ten year period, I started learning everything I could about creation science and eventually I was doing research in that field. And it really wasn't so much to try and prove that the Bible is correct as it was to defend myself and other believers from the attacks made by evolutionism. Have no doubt that a secular based science will fight against our faith. One of the biggest things I learned through all of this was just how precious life is. We were created with a purpose. Life does have meaning and should not be taken lightly. Interestingly, I could easily see myself trying to have a career in creation science, but that is not where the Eternal would direct me to be.

After traveling back and forth across the United States for ten years [exploring creation] and after attending so many different denominations and fellowships, I began to recognize how the many man made traditions (doctrines) separated believers. I also saw how direct and simple the Scriptures are in describing our relationship with the Eternal and that this type of relationship pulled believers together as one. I further realized that I was no longer described well as either a Christian nor as a Messianic ... because I was not following the traditions of the Bishops nor the traditions of the Rabbis. Instead, I was trying to learn the Bible without the added traditions of man. This was another great leap forward in my life as a believer. Although all believers in the Messiah as Savior share much in common, I found that when Scripture says to go straight, a rabbi says to go left, and a bishop says to go right - I was now free to just go straight. Straight to the Savior. Straight to the Kingdom of Heaven. Straight to eternal life. That huge hindrance that came from the distractions and, worse yet, the misdirections that could come from the extra traditions was vanishing.

Which brings me back to where I am now ... where our Heavenly Father has brought me. I want to see what a life of truth, righteousness, and purity looks like. Yes, I know we will not achieve perfection in this lifetime nor on this earth; however, I think it is important to always keep building a relationship with the Eternal and to never stop reaching for higher ground.

Gladly, this time of my life is not falling into the stereotypical 'mid-life crisis', but instead is filled with hope and joy - for life truly is amazing and wonderful. I wait with expectation to see what the next 25 years of life brings. I already know the direction it is taking (as it is no longer photography nor science). For some time, we have been in training and preparation to start a children's mission with a series of local outreaches across the United States. It seems the time is here to formally begin that process. Whatever the next 25 years brings, it will probably be heavily centered on the work of helping children (and their families) by giving them help for today [taking care of current problems like poverty and education] and giving them hope for tomorrow [teaching that there is a Creator that loves them and that eternal life is possible].

=== Chronological Bible Reading ===
And and and it was probably about this time, that I decided to read through the Scriptures, in its entirety, in chronological order. I found a list of that went chapter by chapter man did so in about a six-month period. This was perhaps one of the best things I could have done for understanding them in the history of mankind, the history of Israel, and the Almighty's relationship with mankind. Especially his people Israel. Never before, had all of the events and actions in Scripture fit together so well. You could go along and follow as prophecies remade its blessings as cursings is other a future telling would happen, and then see the results of obedience for disobedience in the prophecies coming true and how well it all fits into history.

== Finding Creation ==
After a few years, I was given a copy of a copy of a copy of eight Kent Hovind video and period although Kent Hovind was not the most scientific nor theologically accurate of the creationist speakers, he did have the benefit that he allowed people to copy his material and redistribute it. And this video is good enough to make me realize that there was a significant difference between the word of the Almighty which I said I believed and the theory of evolution which I had been taught all my life. This would become another one of those defining moments in life.

I have been taught evolution all through my school career including grade school, junior high, high school, and college. I had also been teaching evolutionary principles through my volunteer position in the Ohio State Park system in public programs. Evolution was a topic I knew well. Creation, on the other hand, I did not know very well. In fact, I am not sure what the church denomination I grew up in would even have said about the topic. Once again, the search was on for more information to try and clear up this discrepancy.

It took about two years of research and reading from many different creationist and evolutionists authors, but I came to the realization that all of the weight of evidence fell with creationism and that the theory of evolution was full of holes and problems scientifically. Even in college, evolution admitted to a number of problems, but typically the response was with more research they would be able to figure those problems out. Instead, the more they have learned about the physical world and history, the more problems there are with evolution. For us after a couple of years, I became a creationist. It would not be for a few more years, but I would start working on teaching creationism or fully applying those concepts to my life. However, this search had strengthened my faith an award of Elohim.

And and and it was probably about this time, that I decided to read through the Scriptures, in its entirety, in chronological order. I found a list of that went chapter by chapter man did so in about a six-month period. This was perhaps one of the best things I could have done for understanding them in the history of mankind, the history of Israel, and the Almighty's relationship with mankind. Especially his people Israel. Never before, had all of the events and actions in Scripture fit together so well. You could go along and follow as prophecies remade its blessings as cursings is other a future telling would happen, and then see the results of obedience for disobedience in the prophecies coming true and how well it all fits into history.

== Learning to Pray ==
One of the most important moments of my life, is when I decided to learn to pray. I was almost 30 years old, and for all intents and purposes I had not yet learned to pray as a believer. This is not something I had learned in my time in the Christian church nor in the Sabbath keeping group, nor in Messianic Judaism. In all of those organizations I mostly so group prayers which were often seemingly a show or something done as a matter of course are now as a matter of duty rather than a personal expression of what was genuinely heartfelt. As we started going into the home fellowships though, we did start to see people who seem to be led by father and who had a more genuine prayer life. At the same time I had been reading Scripture in growing in the basic concept that if we are willing to follow our heavenly father will lead his people.

These concepts, and many others, all culminated together into what essentially was a test of what I headed in coming to believe. I was going to go and pray each day for about 15 minutes each day for three months as an experiment to see what would happen. There are points and Scripture where we are commanded not to test the Almighty which really point to not putting them on the spot and trying to force him to do things. There are also spots where he tells the people to test him but this test is by being a good and obedient people and to see if he will not pour out blessing in response to the obedience and goodness. So this is to be a test of the latter variety I would try to do what it seemed a believer should try to do and I would watch to see what reaction came of it.

The first day of this experiment I got up early in the morning, went out to pray, and after about two minutes really didn't know what else to do. It was a short prayer time which made me realize I did not know much about praying and so I finished that time with reading Scripture. It wasn't long before I was seeking advice on prayer and one piece of advice I got is perhaps the best advice I've ever heard on the topic and that was to talk to our heavenly Father like I would talk to my spouse. That includes sharing not only what I'm thankful for were the things that I would ones who are in need of, but also sharing my hopes my fears daily events anything that is happening in my life. I started praying about all these things, and I was soon able to fill out 15 minutes a day and I don't remember if it was before or after the three monster of I was filling much more than 15 minutes a day with prayer.

The results of the test were amazing! The things that I was praying about, the things that I shared a fears or hopes about, the things that had me concerned when they came to pass seem to go much easier in those three months and when I had experienced in my life in the previous 30 years. It seemed quite clearly that praying was having an effect even if I do not understand what was happening. This was great encouragement and I was ready to move forward.

=== Learning to listen ===
As the months rolled on, I learned not just to share what was on my mind but to take time to stop and listen as well. It started out, and often continues to this day, not asking yes or no questions on what is important in life to do or what is the right thing to do. If the possible activity came out I would pray and ask is this something I would do and look for an answer yes or no. However it was not that simple, because over the months as I learn to listen I thought I was starting to learn to hear answers. The difficulty was it seemed like sometimes I would have multiple answers dancing like different voices answering. These are not audible voices it was just thoughts that would appear in my head as short answers are sometimes complete sentences but most often just yes or no answers. And I spent many months trying to figure out what these answers were before even really started following them or testing which ones were right.

What I eventually figured out, is there are basically three types of answers I could get on a pray. The first one is almost a rush and hurried voice which makes things seem urgent and needing to be taking care of quickly or or something terrible happened. This does not happen often, but when it does it is somehow the enemy getting through in trying to fool me into doing something wrong. Quite frequently another answer would be in the form of something that the answer is very logical I understand it makes sense to me this is often, actually this is, my own thoughts it is the answer that I would come up with a fight is simply thought about it and try to come up with an answer. My own answer tended to be feel like a form of relief because I had something I understood and could do but I've learned that relief is not good enough. The final answer, father's answer, is very peaceful when it comes and often times it is not something easily understood and not off always a simple yes or no.

=== Choosing a pass ===
To illustrate these concepts and try to picture a traveler walking on a pass the road to wherever it is he is going he comes to a fork in the road and doesn't know which way to turn. He prays and asks should a go left or should I go right which is basically a yes or no question this to left or right instead. If the enemy were to try and get in he might say something like the storm clouds are on the left you must turn right and hurry to avoid the storm. Often times the enemy uses something that is true or at least partly true, to fool us. There may indeed be a storm but it may or may not blow the direction were going and it may or may not actually storm where we are at it may even in fact be going the other way. But we can see the storm and that is enough to possibly frighten us and make us act without thinking.

My own logic as an answer would pride will get to to pass see which one is more traveled or maybe try to think of which general direction the city lay in and make my best guess which one might lead that way although I would not know which one occurs which way off in the distance but choosing the more traveled path would certainly seem easier and even if it's wrong at least get me somewhere rather than risk going off into the middle of nowhere.

But the third answer, father's answer, may come that with the answer not of left or of right sometimes it does sometimes it doesn't but it may come back with the answer of yellow. Yellow?! Yellow is confusing. What does that have to do with anything. As I look around I peered down the line Road will say the left side and in the distance I see a yellow house and I looked down the right side in a see nothing yellow. So I go down the left road not sure what this means that as I passed yellow house outcomes of person who calls to me and wants to talk the lion in their hurry to get where I am going I know the father pointed out the yellow house inside realize perhaps I should stop and talk or listen. In such a scenario if it is fathers will and blessing is involved what could happen is the person gives me a meal or leased a snack while we checked and while chatting learns wary of going and says that they are going to the same town to get some supplies and offers me a ride and suddenly I am whisked many miles very quickly in a car in a riot at the city for much faster than anything I would have done could have done if I'd simply walked by the yellow house.

There are many such instances I have had since then that are similar. What

=== Walking the walk ===
The last several years of my life have been heavily influenced almost entirely directed by what I have gotten prayer. It has been an amazing time full of wonder and blessing and joy and peace. If I had done things on my own I would probably still be working as a gardener living in Ohio and a be trying to live the standard American dream. Instead, I have been led into doing a Ministry type of work traveling in a tent, helping people along the way, all while doing and various projects in the field of creationism. This work and effort is much more satisfying and fulfilling and actually uses my strengths and skills much more so in keeping the golf course looking pretty.

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